Dec.
31 So
maybe the US took a look at that paltry sum and thought better of it. Now
we're going to be giving $350 million. That's a little more like it, I
think. Over 120,000 dead. We have no idea what that's like over here.
As if I didn't hate flying enough, now cockpits are being blasted with
lasers. What fun. I'm telling you, the Wright
Brothers are turning over
in their graves to see what we did with their dream and invention.
We're stocked up on sushi, as is our New Year's Eve tradition and may even
stay up until the stroke of midnight to welcome 2005. K is working on
a new blog navigation as this thing will need to be archived in a few hours.
2004 was good for RFB and 2005 promises to be even better. Stick with us,
bored readers, and we'll take you to some fun places in the year ahead.
Oh wait, before we sign off...it's time for the top ten events of 2004,
as compiled by our Research of American Lameness Department in collaboration
with our Divison of Cultural Significance.
1. Jim Carrey/Tom Cruise/Julia Roberts make more crappy movies
2.
Osama bin Laden releases new video with special features and director's
cut/widescreen editions
3. Barack Obama hates that his name is so close to Osama
4. John Kerry withers into shadows, his boyhood dream shattered
5. Bush family denies
"Dynasty" hints while sending Jeb on an official trip to
tsunami areas
6. Jeb Bush establishes himself as the best governor ever with handling
of Florida hurricanes
7. Jeb's brother somehow wins another term
8.
Arnold Schwarzenegger proves once and for all that style is more important than
substance
9. Reality TV reaches point of backlash, finally
10.
Tom Brokaw, after months of warning us with retrospectives of his career,
finally retires
Dec.
29 Now
we're talking about 67,000 dead. Imagine taking your average NFL stadium
crowd and wiping them all out in one day...with seawater.
In defense of Mr. Egeland, the UN Undersecretary who called the US offer
of $15 million "stingy," I would have to agree with him. We spent more
than $87 billion to take Iraq into democracy. $15 million is chump change
in this country. Now Egeland is backtracking, saying he was talking about
the West in general.
Stand by your statement, Mr. Egeland. Now you look like you're afraid of Colin
Powell. I've been trying to find information on US aid to Norway, Mr. Egeland's
country, thinking maybe he doesn't want to jeapordize that, but it's pretty
hard to come by. But for whatever reason, Egeland did a very quick PR repair
job,
appearing
all
over the
news shows,
insisting
he was talking about "the West." Whatever.
On a completely separate subject, does anyone know what pine trees
are good for in landscaping? As far as I'm concerned, they are worthless
nuisances, creating more work for my crew than I want to allot for them.
They provide
no shade,
they shed all year long, staining the sidewalks and filling the gutters
and getting stuck in the screens. Yeah, I know...Indians and other primitives
used the needles for starting fires, creating bedding and weaving. And
I suppose pine wood is good for framing and cheap furniture. But I'm
not an Indian and my furniture comes from garage sales and I want all the
pine trees on RFB property removed. I'm sure I'll be
sorry
I
did
when
the
big
tsunami
hits
Florida
and we're
all primitive
again.
Crap. Now it's over 80,000.
Dec.
28 Now
they say that figure is over 44,000 dead, and that the earth wobbled on
its axis from the force of the quake. That's nearly the number of people
we lost in Vietnam in 15 years, and it all happened in a single day. I
can't even imagine, nor do I want to.
End of year special reports are all tallying their most significant moments
and events and people and pictures and quotes and so on for 2004.
I'm about sick of it.
Very hard to work lately. It's the post-Christmas, pre-New Year week of
total laziness, where it's all I can do to shave in the mornings. Well
- maybe if the sink stopper were fixed by a certain Grounds Maintenance
Foreman, shaving wouldn't be so difficult. What's that you say? Buy an
electric shaver? I'd sooner have a ZZ Top beard than shave with one of
those things. They simply don't work on me. Give me a Tarzan knife and
a muddy puddle for a mirror and I'll get a closer shave than one of those
pieces of crap can give.
Good ol' Ross Halfin was
scheduled to be in Thailand this week. Guess he still has work to do.
Dec.
27 Over
20,000 dead, but our media will be sure to tell you the personal stories
of the 2 or so Americans who perished in the giant killer quake-induced
tsunamis
that ravaged Asia. It's as if Americans dying makes it news-worthy. 20,000
or more people. That is huge, but it didn't happen here, so it's not so
huge. If it ever happens here, expect CNN and the rest to have really cool
graphics packages, a title for the disaster, promos hyping their wall-to-wall
coverage of the disaster, expert tsunamiologists from around the globe
with exclusive reports, extra-exclusive tsunami footage from on-the-scenes
reporters, personal interviews with
survivors
and eye-witness accounts
and eventually
a special DVD of their coverage that you can purchase, a portion of the
proceeeds of which will benefit tsunami victims and their families.
What a crappy Christmas they are having in portions of Asia.
Is someone now going to say that
Nostradamus predicted this? No doubt. Always after the fact with Nostradamus
followers. Bend and twist those little quatrains to read whatever they want them
to read. Nostradamus was tapped into something,
to
be
sure,
he
just
got
most
of
his information from
flawed and questionable sources. If one prophecy fails, he fails the test of
a prophet. End of story.
Look for the Midwest Pirates to
turn this latest disaster into a sure sign of
the end of the age. Hardly. Just the beginning of birth pangs.
Dec.
25 The
last minute shopping destroyed my hope for peace on earth and good will
toward men. Idiot drivers and rude shoppers combine for a harrowing and
unpleasant ordeal in the marketplace. Good dinner of fondue and many presents
under the tree for the interns, so all was well at the home office at least.
Stayed up way too late coaching the singer on his upcoming Dallas recording
session. Hard to get a guy to sing very well in between beers. Ah, well
- there's still time.
All sarcasm aside, we hope all the faithful readers of the Babylonian
Blog have a warm and blessed Christmas Day.
Dec.
24 Last
minute shopping is in order today. Went to that fine Greek restaurant again
last night with K and a couple of friends of RFB. When you get to the bottom
of the after-dinner coffee, there's a half inch of pure caffiene sludge,
suitable for spreading on toast.
So they're thinking 2005 will be year for peace in the Middle East. ("They" being
the pundits, think-tank folks and assorted Fourth Estate types.) Won't
that be special? It's like a great play, and we're following the
script line for line.
The executive producer of the Music
Division's first CD is insisting on doing
a cover song. Reps from Music and said Exec have agreeed on recording
one of the best songs to ever come out of the souls of Tyler and Perry.
At least 32 years old, this song still holds up and was never more appropriate.
Not content to merely duplicate it, the band wants to put the RFB signature
all over it, so expect some funky guitars.
K just returned from her last-minute rounds, now it's my turn.
Dec.
21 Today
is the shortest day of the year. Yes, I'm talking about the Winter Solstice,
or the first day of Winter. Kinda cold down here in the Sunshine State
this week. We don't like it. Have to wear socks! Ugh! Small price to
pay, I suppose, for living in Paradise. So anyway, the sun will appear
at its
lowest point in the sky, and its noontime elevation will appear to be
the same for
several days before and after the solstice. Hence the origin of the word
solstice, which comes from Latin solstitium, from sol, "sun" and
-stitium, "a stoppage." Following the winter solstice, the
days begin to grow longer and the nights shorter. Do you feel smarter
now? Me
too. Truth be told, our Western Christmas celebration is very tied to
ancient solstice ceremonies, designed to appease the gods and plead that
the failing
light not go out completely.
Speaking of Christmas, K and I are going to brave the crowds and join in
the madness, making our annual trip to a mall this evening. We hate malls
and all they stand for, but we must not be ignorant of the culture in which
we
live.
When in Rome...So, we'll get the interns and urchins some gifts, appeasing
the gods and preventing the failing light from being extinguished just
yet.
In addition to the grounds, which I have been neglecting horribly, my other
job has me buried. Hope it's a short week.
Dec.
20 Well,
turns out the Stones have denied RFB the permission to use some quotes
from Gimme Shelter. I always suspected they were ruthless businessmen,
but now I've experienced it first hand. They have no ruth at all. Ah,
well. What can you do? Who on earth could afford a legal battle with
Mick? Says
a
rep
of Maysles
Films: "Unfortunately, permission has not been granted and so we
regret to inform you that you can not use the lines of GIMME SHETLER
you were interested
in
sampling."
Been a while since I did any blogging
here on the Random Scratch. To the huge audience that relies on this thing,
I apologize. Been up in Chicago. It's a cold, industrial and very proud
city. I would not
be
sad
if I never
went
back,
but as far
as giant American Megalopolises go, it's one of the better ones. Got some
good
shots for the liner booklet of Geometry.
Christmas is just around the corner and as Grounds Maintenance Foreman,
I'm responsible for decorative lighting of the property.
Up on the roof yesterday getting it all in order. Something about roofs,
seeing the world from another angle. A whole lot better than from an airplane.
As my distaste for flying increases, I looked into Amtrak. What a joke.
To get to Dallas from here, I'd have to go to DC, then Chicago, then Dallas
-
and it would take nearly 3 whole days. Versus less than 3 hours by air.
Dang! Where's My Jetpack?
Dec.
7 Been
in touch with Maysles
Films, the makers of "Gimme Shelter," a documentary
about the fall of the Flower Power/Peace and Love movement of the 60s.
The end of the innocence, basically. They are OK with RFB using a soundclip
from
their
film in one song from Geometry,
but they
must run it by the Stones first. Seems fitting. It is Mick's statement
we are lifting, after all. Speaking of Mick, here's
a nice little story
we ran a few months ago here at RFB.
Got some pictures back from Dallas of the recording session, and you few faithful
readers of this hopeless blog are the first to see a
liner photo off the
CD.
No sooner do I say that Maysles is OK with us using their clip and RFB gets an
email
from them with this line: "Let me get in touch with the representatives of the
Stones and then get back
to you. In case permission was granted, we would request a licensing fee." It
will be interesting to see how much they expect in US Dollars to sample a tiny
soundclip
when people have been doing it for years without ever asking permission.
I
guess
it's true: asking for forgiveness is easier than asking for permisson. If they
are
out of the ballpark, we'll just mimic it. Mick imitators are a dime a dozen.
Dec.
4 Do
you know who these guys were? These poor tools were used by Coronet
Records to capitalize on the "Liverpool Sound." Read
the tale that will appear
on RFB's debut, Geometry. Known as "The Buggs," they
recorded this album. Coronet apparently had such little regard for
them that they
didn't even get their names on the album. Doing Beatles covers and
trying very hard to become the next Beatles, right down to their
name.
Cold outside today. By cold, I mean between 65 and 70. I may have to
break down and put on socks. Been out in RFB storage getting out the Christmas
Decorations. Yes, I said Christmas, not Holidays.
Dec.
3 Friday
gets here, and not a moment too soon. What lame hasbeen band was it that
sang, "Everybody's working for the weekend?" So true. Gonna
Google that right now...ah - of course. Loverboy. What total wankers.
Them and Night Ranger.
A
good buddy in Vegas is looking to unload a nice old hollow-bodied Harmony
archtop he can't afford to get out of the shop. Since he's a good
old buddy, K says I should get it out of the shop for him, plus a little
extra so he can afford dinner. It's so true that we dog-men need good women
with us if we are ever going to be anything more than dog-men.
Speaking
of dogs, the RFB merchants have hit on an idea they are calling the "anti-jewelry."
Dog tag chains without dog tags, the idea being that we need to resist
being dogs and break from the pack - and yeah - Join the Rezistance.
The grounds are still shot.
Dec.
2 Music
Division got an email from the very capable Chris
Bell of Dallas, who
has been doing the engineering on Geometry,
as well as offering his excellent production consultation during the process.
Chris wants to know when RFB
is headed
back to the studio to do some more work. Granted, Chris is surely looking
to make money for his boss' studio, but I get the feeling he also enjoys
the music and wants to make Geometry sound as bone-rattling and
soul-stirring as possible.
We may have to head back next week if people in Dallas keep pushing
us. Fine. Now the singer is going to have to start drinking hot lemon water
I guess.
The grounds are shot. Thanksgiving saw us with so much time off that it
all went to hell. I'm going to have to come in this weekend and do some
'scapin'.
Dec.
1 I
can be such a grouch until I realize that it's December and I'm wearing
shorts and flip-flops. The tropics rule. Barbecuing regularly, riding
bikes and still maintaining the grounds. People up north think it's so
great
that they get a break from mowing and yard chores during winter. I guess
they aren't counting snow-blowing and shoveling walkways and driveways.
Keep your cold. And stay out of Florida. Speaking of Florida and people
who don't belong here, if I see one more window decal extolling the greatness
of some other country or nationality, I'm going to have to take
it upon myself to deport the idiots who can't seem to let go of where
they came from. You're not in Cuba, Puerto Rico, Nueva York, Sweden or
Italy
anymore. If you miss it so much, please return. And take your attitude
with you. You're in America now. Land of the Free and Home of the Mongrels.
Let go of your former country. We aren't Italian-Americans or Irish-Americans
or African-Americans. We're Americans, plain and simple. There are a
million Brits within 5 miles of me and I never hear them talking about
England.
They don't display the Union Jack as a full-sized rear window plaque.
They know they have it good here and they appreciate it. Brits are cool.
And
pretty darned funny most of the time.
Been listening to RFB music almost
exclusively. It needs work, but there are some serious rough diamonds here. Getting
advice from various confidantes and cohorts who know a thing or two about music.
May not make it back to Dallas this year to finish this first album, but it will
be worth the wait. One particular favorite is Where's
My Jetpack, which I predict will be an anthem for the masses in years to
come.
