The New World Order Tour '04.

Bush Sr. Dusts off Axe
Replaces Bob Hope on USO Tour

		Following an extended talk-box solo that had soldiers in this desert camp gasping, George H.W. Bush tosses guitar picks to fans.

(KUWAIT) George H.W. Bush dusted off his old Fender and hit the road this week, hoping to provide a little cheer and hope for US service persons fighting in Gulf War II.

"The President said the war is over, I know," the elder Bush said of his son, "And it is. Sort of. Kinda. But people, good people, are sill dying every day over here. I've just got to do my part, as I know my good friend Bob Hope would've done had he been able. To quote my good friend Jesse Jackson, we've got to keep Hope alive."

The former President is not without musical talent. At Yale, he belonged to a heavy metal group called Skull and Bones. Sometimes shortened to "the Skulls," sometimes "the Bonesmen," Skull and Bones has been knocking 'em out at military bases and installations worldwide.

"When I was first with the Bonesmen, well, we were a little ahead of our time. Back then, you know everyone was into Tommy Dorsey and Glen Miller and here came these guys from the infamous Tomb, wielding electric guitars and gyrating, screaming ominous lyrics. I can see where Skull and Bones was not market-ready yet. But I think today's Army is conditioned and ready to accept us. We're gonna kick out the jams on this tour and rock this joint."

Bush has sought the help of Jimmy Carter, who once played drums in a swing band, as well as Gerald Ford, an accomplished bassist. Both former Presidents declined the invitation to join the Skulls Tour.

"Jimmy's old school. He can't rock," said Bush, "Nothing against him, his music has a place. But he was wise to turn me down. I wanna let it loose and just rock till I drop while Jimmy's more geared to the mellow stuff. Whatever. Different strokes, you know. Now Jerry. Man, that boy can knock it down, son! If his doctor weren't such a pansy, we might get the ol' Ford to join us on this tour."

Asked why he wouldn't consider Bill Clinton, who was known for picking up a saxaphone on late night television before and during his presidency, Bush responds, "Billy's a showman. Make no mistake, he can flat wail on the sax, but I don't think he'd fall into line too well in this group. I'm frontman for Skulls, no question. I'm like Jagger and Richards rolled into one. Bill's got to have the limelight, and that don't play too well when Big Georgie's frontin' the Skulls."

Editor's Note: Q: Who likes to rock?
A: Tony Blair and Millard Fillmore, that's who.

Oh, and you might also like this little gem, provided courtesy of our Music Division.

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