America's Calling, Colin Powell

Shoe-in Dream Candidate Still Won’t Consider a Run at Presidency. A Nation Mourns   “Leave the Empire and Join the Rebellion,” urges Orlando Group

Caught in a twisted web of deceit, young Master Skywalker longs to lead his people.

(WASHINGTON) As Democrats continue to try to find a candidate they hope can beat President Bush in November, the one guy who some think could easily topple him is still not considering it.

“I work for the guy! How am I going to run against him?” asked an irritated Secretary of State Colin Powell.

Still, a "Draft Powell" movement has sprung up in Orlando, Florida among disillusioned and worried voters. Powell insists he is not interested.

“We can change that,” said Charles D. Samuelson, a spokesman for the movement, “Colin could get in this race very, very late as an independent and still beat back anyone on either side. The key is getting to him. He has a deep sense of honor and duty to country. Right now he’s got his duty mixed up with some bad cats. We need to convince him that he’s been siding with Darth Vader while he is in fact Luke Skywalker.”

The Secretary remains unflappable.

“This is hogwash and ridiculous. I stated in 2000 that I would not consider a ‘Draft Powell’ initiative, and that feeling remains,” Powell said by phone on Tuesday.

But since 2000, the Secretary has been at the forefront of the failing Bush foreign policy, seemingly overrun by the Defense Department’s more eager ladder-climbers, Secretaries Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz. Appearing at first to be cautious about going to war in Iraq, the Secretary was the voice for sanctions and UN participation until he did an about-face in his speech to the UN about Iraq’s capability to produce mass terrorism.

“It was that speech that sent the word to the American people and to the press. We interpreted that as, 'If Colin’s on board with Bush, then Bush must be right.' It was Powell and Powell’s word that made us feel like this war in Iraq was just,” said Samuelson, “I think right now Powell has got to be feeling a little burned. They shoved him out there and made him play ball, and now even Bush is backing down on the whole WMD claim. It’s clearly time for a Powell run.”

Democratic front-runner John Kerry doesn’t like the idea at all.

“Keep him out of my race, please,” Kerry has been heard whispering to aides.

Samuelson insists that a Powell independent candidacy would throw the race more than wide-open.

“Think about this: Powell takes the veteran vote. Powell takes the black vote. Powell takes the moderate Republican vote. Powell takes the moderate Democrat vote. Powell is the guy this nation trusts. He’s got the ‘brought myself up from nowhere’ resume of Edwards, the wartime service of both Kerry and Clark and the respect of both Republican and Democrat politicians. They’d all be running to endorse him. What first has to happen of course is a huge and public resignation on the part of Powell, in effect repenting of any association with this administration. My guess is he could take on Clark as his running mate if he feels like the South would be an issue. Or hell, even Jimmy Carter as his running mate.”

“Tell that guy in Orlando to shut up,” said a State Department staffer when presented with the notion, “the Secretary of State is not, was not and will not be interested in serving the country as President. He said that once. To consider that he would abandon his post in the current administration to run AGAINST the current administration would, in his mind, be tantamount to treason.”

“You see,” says Samuelson, “that’s what Luke Skywalker would think in a moment like this, right? He’s blinded. My guess is he loses sleep knowing that he’s working for the enemy. I doubt that junior staffer speaks for the Secretary. Would a Powell candidacy really be treason, or would it maybe be the ultimate form of patriotism?”

“Kerry looks good right now. Dean looked good last month. The opposition is desperate to remove Bush at any cost, with any candidate. Can any of those candidates get it done? I don’t see it happening and neither does the Bush camp. I hear Laura Bush has been given the go-ahead to order new furniture for the White House next year. They think it’s a lock.”

Bush strategists have been working on their campaigns, with “what if” scenario teams already in place.

“We’ve got four ad agencies preparing stuff for us,” said an anonymous Bush insider, “The guys pretending that Kerry is the Democratic candidate are painting him as the total insider, say anything to get elected career politician. Clark won’t even be there, so we’re about ready to axe that team. Edwards is a little scary, but we just trump up the trial lawyer story and say he’s too green. The Dean team has the most fun, especially now after the outburst in Iowa. They’ve got some funny ads ready to go.”

When told about the Draft Powell movement, the Bush strategist turns white, even though he already is.

“We will need to rethink some strategies if that scenario should come to pass. We could, I think, do some stuff. Maybe, to somehow. I’ll get back to you on that.”

Did you see what one of Colin's underlings said about us?

And you know Powell understands diplomacy. Check this out.

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